Learning to Say NO to the Newborn
Posted: Friday, February 13, 2009
by Nancy Daniels
Voice Dynamic
When I was pregnant with my first child some 25 years ago, my father told me that after the birth, I would be checking in on my baby every hour to make sure he was okay. My dad was wrong. If I heard nothing coming from the baby's room, that was good news in my book. What I didn't anticipate however, was that after only 6 days of life, my little one slept through the night – from
So then came son #2 at 9-1/2 pounds and the hospital policy had changed. They were insisting that I nurse on demand. (Because I am small and had large babies with a lot of difficulty, the hospital kept me in for 5 days after both deliveries.) In any event, I had no intention of nursing on demand, believing that if I could get my first child to sleep all night after only 6 days of life, I was going to try the same with baby #2. The nurses spoke to my pediatrician; he agreed with me; I put #2 on a 4-hour schedule; and, he slept through the night after just 7 days.
None of my friends had children sleeping through the night. In fact, I remember that most kids were still waking up in the middle of the night when they were 2 and 3 years old.
Did I do something magical or did I have special children? Absolutely not. I used something called discipline: I put the babies on a schedule and didn't nurse them every time they whimpered. Babies cry. It is a fact of life. And some babies cry more than others.
Presently, there are two members of my extended family who each have a child. Baby #1 had separation anxiety at 6 months of age. As this little boy is being raised in the home of grandpop, grandmom, single mom, and aunt, the child is always being carried by one of the four adults (although I use the term adults loosely in this case). In fact, because the child cries in the car seat, grandpop has added a TV set just for him so that he can enjoy the ride when they drive. I would say that this has taken coddling to a whole new level!
Then we have baby #2. Now 9 months of age, this little girl is constantly in her mother's or father's arms as well. When they eat a meal, one parent holds the child while the other one eats and then they switch. [Personally, I was too selfish for that one. I like my food hot. If one of my infants was crying and I couldn't stop him, so be it.]
In both of these cases, I question how well adjusted these children will be. Loving our children is one of the most important things we can do for them; smothering them is not. Infants, as well as moms, need alone time. It is healthy for both. When a child is coddled constantly, that child has no sense of self without the parent. In addition, I see problems in the case of family #2 because the father's needs are not being met. I see it in his face; I hear it in his voice; and, I perceive it from his comments.
Raising your children well is a long and selfless process, but it pays dividends in the long run to both the parents and the child. By learning to temper your love with discipline, your children will leave home when the time is right to begin their own lives. If the child has become an extension of the parent, however, that task is much more difficult.
My mother gave me great advice growing up. She said that as much as you love your children, they will leave the nest (if you do your job right). Don't build your life around your children. Build your life around your husband because he is what you will have when your kids are gone.
I have never forgotten her advice and I've passed it on to my boys as well. Love your children but save the pampering for your spouse. In doing so, they will be learning one of life's great lessons.
The Voice Lady Nancy Daniels offers private, corporate, and group sessions in voice and presentation skills as well as Voicing It!, the only video training program on voice improvement. You can visit her website at: www.voicedynamic.com
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Top-level comments on this article: (4 total)Nancy, I totally agree with your article, discipline is the key, so is routine. My wife did basically the same thing that you spoke of, and you know, it does work!! Our kids slept through the night. It was great, but nowadays, kids are really spoiled, and they are "trained" to throw their tantrums, and wake up at 1 or 2 in the morning, and I can see there are problems with the way kids are "raised" nowadays....Iloved your article, and very informative, I believe the spouse part as they are the ones who will be there when everybody else is gone, for me, its all about my spouse.....Good advice Great article your fan and friend in pen....GaryGary,Thank you (I knew you would agree with me on this!) and I'm glad you enjoyed it.I've been working on a book about what I think is wrong with this country (besides the article I posted this morning). I 'll send it to you first!NancyGreat, I would love to read it....I look forward to it....this one was great, and you had me hook , line, and sinker right from the start!!
hi nancy,Amen. great article. i feel the same.what more can i say?my best regards,sueSue,Agreed! (Whoops, Searchwarp does not allow 1 word comments.) I agree with you Sue. There is nothing more to say,Nancy
Nancy,Even though I am not a parent, I can find this information very helpful and encouraging. Thanks for sharing it.Ronyae,Do remember this Ronyae. I wish I was in a position to say something but both of the families involved are not my flesh and blood, so new mom keeps her big mouth shut. That's one of the reasons I love SearchWarp!!!(Maybe I should forward this article to them.)Nancy(nudge) ... just a small gesture amongst Warpers. Hey, and the suggestion, I'll be definitely remember. Thanks.
Hi Nancy, It took my kids a few months to sleep through the night- I gave them three. From then on, unless they were sick they slept the night through. Naps too, every day.On a funny note, but to your point, my son noted how horribly I spoil my little dog and was a bit put out because they were never spoiled. I told him it was because the dog would never have to go out into the world and make something of himself like people do. He got the point. Thanks for sharing. ValVal,I do the same things with my dogs. They are definitely spoiled whereas my kids are not! I was a little frightened to submit this article, wondering what type of reaction I would get but your comments are good to hear.I'm glad I wasn't the only one. (But I could also tell this from you article on the healing of the body.)Thank you for your support,Nancy
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