Can We Learn Something from the Red Pen?
Posted: Monday, February 23, 2009
by Nancy Daniels
Voice Dynamic
When it comes to the education of our children, most unfortunately it is the baby boomer generation (of which I am part) that has lost its way. Sadly, those following the baby boomers have gleefully taken the snowball that we started and are now running with it at full speed. The result, I fear, is an avalanche of destruction that will have devastating effects on those in our educational system today. What I am referring to is the simple red pen – a brilliant-colored writing instrument that some believe is ‘aggressive.' Opponents of the red pen believe that its use contributes to lower self-esteem. While most of my teachers used a red pen to correct, mark, edit, and add comments to my papers and tests, I never looked at those red marks as something affecting my self-esteem. Were a test or a paper returned with lots of red marks, I knew I had done poorly. On the other hand, when a paper came back with no marks but the letter A ‘aggressively' written in red on the last page, I was overjoyed. Yes, I like the color red!
This resulting lack of discipline is most apparent in the loss of the red pen. Heaven forbid we hurt their self-esteem.
One of the definitions of discipline is training that corrects, molds, or perfects mental faculties or moral character. Too many people look at this word negatively, thinking it means only one thing – corporal punishment. If you study its true meaning, the word discipline is actually training: training to instill the positive and training to change the negative.
Because we have been so overly concerned with only praising our children, we have not provided training to enforce good rules and regulations; thus, this lack of training to correct bad behavior has been neglected.
Changing the color of the pen to green does not make an F any more palatable than an F in red. When our children fail, generally they have not done the work, they have not applied themselves, or they have not understood the material presented. If the latter is the case, then it is the child's responsibility – if that child is old enough – to seek additional help. Whatever the reason for the failure, in most cases, the child is to blame. It doesn't get any simpler than that. I know these are harsh words; but, life is not always a winning experience.
This is even more apparent in the many sports and extra-curricular activities in which we involve our children. Because we are afraid of damaging their self-esteem, we do not want to see them lose in anything they do. While winning is certainly wonderful, rewarding, and fun for all of us, losing has its fair share of positives as well. Without having lost, one can never truly appreciate the win.
I have always learned more valuable lessons from losing than I have from winning.
By ‘allowing' your children to lose once in a while, you will be doing more good for their self-esteem than if you only provide positive feedback. If they lose the game or fail the test, so be it. Teach them to work harder, to practice more, and to apply themselves. Instill discipline. It works. In doing so, they will value the red pen no matter what the grade.
The Voice Lady Nancy Daniels offers private, corporate and group workshops in voice and presentation skills as well as Voicing It!, the only video training program on voice improvement. For more information, visit her wesite at: www.voicedynamic.com
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Top-level comments on this article: (8 total)Nancy,I can always count on you to learn from; thanks a bunch! :)Thanks Ronyae.Must admit, it is fun venting.NancyOh yes it is, Nancy!
hi nancy,i agree with everything you've said.as my older 2 have found, the world these days is not an easy place to survive, either emotionally or financially.i never let my kids win when i played games with them, i tried, they tried, and whomever won, won. i thought this was a good lesson for them to learn before they got older and into school.my son is now in bootcamp in the airforce, under much stricter guidelines than i ever had, but still, mine were strict enough, and it helped him maintain.i don't think a red pen is of any signifigance to him now.my daughter can't afford a car because after working 2 jobs, and paying her rent and bills, she has no money to save. however, my motto was always, "if you can take it out, you can put it back," and i made sure they did, which i know helped them both be able to be strong in this world of strife.thank you for sharing,best regards,sueSusan,Thanks for your comments. I think it is called building character.I appreciate your good words,Nancy
Nancy, this may have been the best article I've found on Searchwarp. You are so right. This business of going to exorbitant steps to keep from harming our childrens self esteem is outrageous. You can easily see what has come of it. Tons of arrogant little brats who have no respect for anyone, including their parents. And the parents deserve every kick in the shin that the kid gives. But later he is apt to kill them.Children are born with absolutely no knowledge!, they learn fast, but if they are guided, often they learn wrong. Some times, it takes a few spats on the behind to show hem it was wrong.Thanks for sharing your wisdom with us.Joel,Now I am touched. Thank you.You are so correct. Heaven forbid we spank our kids! I did it; I admit it; and it worked! (I guess the real question is, if it has worked for 1,000's of years, why change it now?)Nancy
I couldn't agree more... and what you say is certainly evidenced by what I see in the school (I am a School Nurse). We are not doing our kids any favors. Great article. Great article. Thank you!Tracey,I am sure you do see it. Any wonder why we have an increasing amount of teacher burnout?Thank you for sharing.Nancy
Right ON, Nancy! I have seen the standards lowered for students who simply did not want to put in the work needed to get a passing grade. What was the result? Failing grades leading to lower standards leading to, well, you get the message. Great article. Timely and relevant.Ken,Thanks for your comments. What I don't understand is why some in the government think that increasing the funds for education will improve it? It is not improving it by any means. The only thing our kids are learning is how to take the tests and pass.How about a little discipline starting in the home in which we teach our children to sit down, shut up, and respect their elders?
Very thought provoking article. I too disciplined my children and at times I do believe I was too stern but I have three great children today. My son said he never would have been able to make it to where he is today if I hadn't made him write those misspelled words and sentences over and over. He is in the field of education.Thank you,Linda D
Hi Nancy, I agree,Dicipline is a thing of the past and its evident in the behavior of teens and young children. Proper discipline and instruction actually build security and self-esteem, not the reverse. I know a young mom who allows her 3 year old daughter to talk back to her, yell and her and kick her. "She's just expressing herself" she says. We talked a lot about it, but the bottom line is she is too lazy to put the effort into helping this child change her behavior. I fear for this little girl because it is going to be an awefull and dangerous thing for her in those pre-teen and teen years. We need to get back to the red. Excellent write. blessings, Teresa
Thank you for being a clear voice for restoring common sense, and realizing the importance of a balance in life for all ages.
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