When the Truth Does Not Set You Free
Posted: Friday, February 10, 2012
by Nancy Daniels
Voice Dynamic
I love the Geico commercial in which Mary Todd Lincoln asks Abe if her dress makes her backside look big. After several long moments in which he silently debates his response, he says, “perhaps a…” and then makes a gesture with his thumb and index finger indicating a wee bit. The truth may have been the correct answer but it definitely would not have set Honest Abe free in that instance. Should we always tell the truth?
Recently, I sent out my weekly newsletter and a couple of hours later I received a phone call from a woman who demanded to know how I had gotten her email address. I responded that the only people who get my newsletters are those who manually sign up for them. I asked her what the ‘from’ address said in the address bar. She responded that it gave my email address on behalf of someone else. So I proceeded to explain that someone else had forwarded it to her. (Stupid me, I didn’t think to ask her who that someone else was!)
The title of the email was, “Which Is It – Speaking Too Softly or Just Poor Speech?” In it, I discussed a man who had phoned me, complaining that he was too soft-spoken because people were always asking him to repeat himself. What he did not understand was that he was being asked to repeat himself because his diction was abysmal. I asked him to repeat himself so many times I was embarrassed. This man did not have an accent, a drawl, a twang, or a dialect nor was he soft-spoken. He just had an incredibly lazy mouth.
As a voice coach, I consider myself a professional listener. The woman who called last night, however, talked like she had marbles in her mouth and I never caught her name correctly. It was either Barbie or Bobbie. She asked me why someone would have sent her the email. My first response was a bit too hasty because I told her the truth, saying, ‘because you do not speak clearly,’ which was followed by silence. A very, very long period of silence.
While trying to think of how I could get out of this one, I dug my grave another foot deeper when I asked if she had ever heard her voice on her answering machine. Guess what? That question was followed by an even longer period of silence. I waited and waited and waited, wondering if we were still connected. Because the screen on my cell phone had gone dark, I couldn’t tell. Oh, let there be light and there was light because I hung up on her! And, of course, the screen immediately lit up and showed that we had still been connected. No, she had not hung up on me; but, what was done was done. What had been said, was said.
I felt so badly afterwards that I stopped and prayed for forgiveness. My business is a funny one in that telling someone they need voice training is like handing them a bottle of Scope. I try my darnedest not to do that unless the person specifically asks about his or her voice. I know Bobbie or Barbie asked, but not really, because she did not want to hear the truth.
The moral of this story is to keep thy big mouth shut until thou knowest exactly whom thou talkest to.
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Top-level comments on this article: (3 total)Fascinating. Funny. So true. I love it. I am always volunteering these bits of counsel/advice. Inevitably, there is not a response like I would expect. My problem, but your article is oh so true.
I think the truth is something we try to dress up in velvet, so it doesn't it doesn't feel so hard when we deliver it. I think you were just practising your profession when you said what you did. When we go to a doctor, we may not always like what he tells us, but we still expect him/her to tell us the truth- that's their job. Enjoyed your article- Always Ella
Hi Nancy.
Hopefully Barbie/Bobbie got in touch with the person who forwarded the e-mail to her. And shame on that person for not telling Barbie/Bobbie themselves or at least saying nothing.
Honestly :) I think that the time people most need others to be honest with them is exactly when they do not want to hear the truth ... sounds backwards ... but I have benefited much in those times and am grateful for those who had the courage to tell me just exactly what they thought.
Great article and it did make me smile!
Hugs,
Dianne
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